Selling Sweat

(So I actually wrote this in August before I created my blog, and even though it’s not as hot as it was in the height of summer anymore, I know you can all relate to the phrases used below and maybe even find this to be useful.)

It’s hot. According to the people who have lived here longer than I, it is the hottest summer it’s been in a few years. “Swamp-ass”, “boob sweat” and “chub rub” are three phrases that, before moving here I had never heard of, but now use everyday. And if I had a dollar for every gallon of sweat that poured off my body, I would be a rich woman. There is absolutely no way of not sweating.

 

I get out of bed and drink my coffee – I sweat.

I drive to the gym in a car with no A/C – I sweat.

I workout – I sweat (although I guess that doesn’t really count seeing as how that does not have anything to do with the hot weather)

I get home and take a cool shower – Ahhhhh….relief.

I towel dry off – I sweat. Yes, I break a sweat towel drying my body.

I dress and blow dry my hair – I sweat. To the point I should probably take another shower.

 

Instead, I spray on some jasmine perfume so I can smell like a sweaty jasmine instead of just a sweaty body. I sweat more as I drive down to the market. And I don’t mean glisten, I mean sweat. I peel my body off the leather seats and I look down where sweat is literally rolling down my legs. I swear I didn’t pee. I look at my grey shirt and see a sweat outline of my bra. SWEET! I say to myself as I roll my eyes. I’m a hot (literally) mess! I lug my sweaty jasmine flower infused body to the market where I immediately run for the frozen food section. Note to self…apparently it’s frowned upon by the store manager to stand in front of the freezer with the door open for an hour just to cool myself off.

Right then and there, I was determined to research how to keep swamp-ass, boob sweat and chub-rub at bay and this is what I came up with. Now, disclaimer, I have only tried the Lady Anti Monkey-Butt powder for the nether region for the ‘oh so wonderful swamp-ass’, and I have to say, it works well but just not for very long as I’m sure with all powders. But here are some other products for you to think about…and believe me, I will be trying them! Keep an eye out for a future update on this topic!

Let’s look at these three uncomfortable areas of body sweat locale:

SWAMP ASS (aka the nether regions):

  • As stated above I have used Lady Anti Monkey-Butt What I like about this is that it does work for a while, it’s silky and my ass doesn’t smell like traditional baby power. But it can be a tad messy.
  • Fresh Balls cream that dries into a powder. And yes, you heard me right, I said Fresh Balls. But this isn’t just for men…works for women too so I’m told. There are other creams-that-turn-into-powder available too for swamp ass. Just do your research on Amazon.
  • Here’s another use for panty liners, these do the trick to combat sweat showing through to your pants down there. However, it’s kind of a double edge sword in that it also adds another layer to that area, restricting airflow even more which means it actually could make you sweat more.
  • Swiping a little anti-perspirent under your butt cheeks…who woulda thunk?
  • Wearing baggy or linen shorts or pants for your bottoms. Wearing a skirt also helps as it lets air flow.
  • Wear either cotton or moisture wicking underwear.

 

BOOB SWEAT

  • Anthony No Sweat Body Defense seems to have a pretty big following which means that it probably works well.
  • Wear a light cotton bra or a lacy bralette.
  • Bring out the anti-perspirent again and roll that under your boobs.
  • The people that brought you Fresh Balls have a product called Fresh Breasts. I apparently went into the wrong business.
  • Putting panty liners on the inside of each cup of your bra can help sweat so I researched. But again, read what I said about panty liners in the swamp-ass section.
  • Bra sweat liners. Huh, never knew this was a thing, but alas, you can find them on Amazon.

 

CHUB RUB

  • Honestly from what I have researched, use the same things as ‘swamp-ass’…just where your chub rubs you the most…like that annoying friction between your thighs
  • But I will add, I’ve read that if you get a rash (whether it be chafing from chub-rub, swamp ass or boob sweat, treat it with diaper creams or anti-fungal or anti-yeast spray/lotion. I know, I know girls, the above words don’t exactly scream sexy! But really, what’s sexier…using those things or big ol’ rashes!

So, as I said before I’ll actually try these things and keep you posted. I’m really hoping something does the trick because honestly it got to the point I didn’t want to go outside because of the horrible sweating! I would love to hear from you if you have tried any of the above products or if you have other ideas on how to combat this!

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